The Way to Love

I'm not referring to romantic love. I am actually referencing a book title by Anthony de Mello. Apparently this book was mentioned in the footnotes of both of Rob Bell's books. A friend here at work lent me the book, asking me to read the section titled "Bring in the Poor." Of course this would be of particular interest as we work at a homeless shelter and recovery facility.

My friend's point was how the reading really changes the way you think about and approach people. It was definitely a good chapter, and it got me thinking. I just don't think it was what my friend intended.

See, the point of the chapter was to get you to think differently about the poor, blind, or disabled. The way de Mello put it was that when there is someone who makes you uncomfortable or who gives you negative feelings, you ought to realize that they aren't doing whatever it is on purpose, if they could change it they would, and that they aren't the ones causing this emotional reaction, but that it is our own "programming" that is causing this. He says that if we can alter our thinking in that way, it will open us up to have compassion for those people. That is an extremely poor summary of some very poignant thoughts.

However, I didn't really once think about someone who was actually poor. I thought about a specific individual who puts off a very creepy vibe. Now, I agree with de Mello that this guy isn't necessarily doing this on purpose and would prefer to be some other way.

I have learned a lot about Christian community from this guy. If I had my way, I would go as far away as possible, run in the other direction, change locations, change social circles, sever whatever ties we have in common. I feel negative feelings rising at the thought of him. However, I think it is fair to say that if I went to some other location, social circle, whatever, there would be some guy there who would make me feel moderately to severely icky. And doesn't this guy deserve compassion and healing and community just as much as the attractive, funny guy I'd prefer to spend time with? Not that my company is this oh so wonderful gift, but a lot of people run away. Perhaps I should do something different.

Now, I have no intention of seeking him out intentionally or spending any one on one time. I am all about healthy boundaries. However, within the context of Christian community, we can minister to one another. I mean, how will anyone ever learn how to be in relationship with one another if we don't actually engage in the messiness of relationship? How will I ever learn how to be around creepy people in a healthy way unless I go about the business of doing exactly that? How will he ever learn what healthy interaction looks like, unless it is modeled for him in relationship?

He has recently expressed a very specific need. My initial reaction is still repulsion. I pray that God would help to refine my bad attitude. But as a community, we ought to come together, show love for one another, and meet each other's needs.

I think I may have strayed from my initial point, but I am trying to learn how to have love and compassion even for those who bring up negative feelings for me. We can still love those people in healthy ways.